Help to check swedish gramma in the translation
Hello! I have finished a translation of russian song into swedish. Yana Budyanskaya is the author of this song. This translation is published under the permission of author.
I like this song in Russian very much. And this translation is my gift to Yana. I would be very greatful to all who could say where are mistakes or misprints in the swedish text. Many thanks to all who answered to my previous questions about translations. I hope that this translation could help to Yana to be well known npt only in Russia but also abroad. Yana Budyanskaya is very talented singer! IMHO
Den Ensamma Duvan
Då kan inte jag förstå, vad jag gjorde fel mot dig
Ville vara jag din vän, förstår du mig
Du gick ut och stängde dörr, en snöstorm är i min själ
Om något går fel, min vän, förlåt du mig
Den ensamma duvan på ett fönster utanför
Tittar in på mig och knackar på
Kanske kommer du till mig också
Du ska förstå, du ska förstå.
Hoppades du bli min vän, men du kunde ej att sa
Och blygsamma ord från dig jag hörde då
Kunde inte jag förstå, överallt den vintern var
Vet du att jag väntar väl på dig ändå.
It also looks like you've skipped verses, staring with a "då". Like... "where's the beginning of the song?". I know there is nothing before that line, but it's the impression you get. Also, the word "ska" at the end of the second verse might come off too strong. It's like a demand. "Du ska förstå", "I demand that you understand" Also, even though it looks like it, "också" doesn't actually rhyme with "på" or "förstå". Well, again, it might if you're a bit forgiving/poetic license.
First line of the third verse makes very little sense. Actually, most of that verse makes very little sense.
Oh, well, I'll have a listen. Again, my Rusian is... well, frankly rather bad so I'm mainly just going of your translation, and I'll try to work it around in my head....